Your university years are an ideal time to build a network of quality friendships. But where do you start? In my conversation with Dr. Lisa, our Vice Provost of Student Affairs, we discuss everything from connecting cross-culturally to learning how to choose the right friends.
AUS Student Clubs & Organizations
Book Recommendation: Find Your People, Create Community & Live a More Connected Life
Club Fair: September 21st & September 22nd (details will be announced soon!)
Follow @aus_osa on Instagram for more information!
Host: Welcome to FYE Chats, an AUS podcast. I’m your host, Erica Payne. University is a BIG transition that can be a little overwhelming. We invite you to listen in on candid conversations with the AUS community because we want to see you THRIVE as you begin your First Year Experience.
On this week’s show, it is an honor to chat with Dr. Lisa Moscaritolo, our vice provost of Student Affairs. Welcome to the FYE Chats podcast, Lisa!
Host: Lisa has been in the UAE and at AUS for only 1 year, but is already such an integral part of our AUS family. Once you meet her, it is so evident that she loves being around people, and most of all, AUS students! She has a passion for helping our newest students feel comfortable as they settle into the AUS community. Lisa, will you share some insight about why finding a quality community is so important, both at university and in life?
Lisa: College is a time for us to build our network and community. We at AUS want students to feel they belong as AUS, and this happens through relationships a student will find with faculty, staff, and their peers.
I want the college students that are listening in to know that this is the best time of your life to meet as many people as possible. This is the fun part of college. I do realize it may not be easy, at times, as well. I suggest students understand it takes time to find that “quality community” as you noted, Erica, in your question to me.
Radha Agrawal in her recent book, Find Your People, Create Community & Live a More Connected Life, reminds us that people come and go in our lives, and some remain. This is not bad; It just is.
This may be hard for students to understand, but this is key to each student finding the right connections that will provide them the joy they deserve. We need relationships as they help lead us to a more connected life, but they need to match our values and interests. I have worked with college students for over twenty years and have seen how hurt a student is when a friend or a friend group goes sour. This will happen, and that is okay.
We need to pick ourselves up and meet new people who we may have similar values and interests, which goes on until we find the right quality of people. It can happen quickly or take time. Students are developing, as well, so our interests and values will change over time that will also result in new friend groups.
Host:
That sounds like an interesting book. I’ll be sure to link it in our show notes.
As you probably have heard, many students have expressed that the thing they are most excited for as they start university is meeting new friends...but that seems a little challenging while we have to maintain a safe distance. What are some ways that first-years can connect with other students during a virtual semester?
Lisa: I am glad students are looking at college as an opportunity to make new friends.
Yes, connecting virtually and meeting others will be different in an online environment, but it will happen. As I noted above, we will find people or groups of people in many ways in a college environment. We need to be open to meet students in a class; through working on team projects or through discussions online or you may find someone in your class you would like to get to know better, reach out. Maybe you are from the same country and have the same hobby. Reach out and see if you can meet up. Have a virtual coffee/tea date. If you live near each other, maybe you can meet up at a local coffee shop, of course, following social distance guidelines.
Join student organizations and club fair on September 21 & 22. Students can sign up to join as many clubs and organizations that are active at this time. If there is not an organization that matches a student's interest, the staff in SELD can help them start an organization.
Students will also meet the Student Council if they have not already during orientation. Students can hear about community services and leadership opportunities this semester. We are excited about the virtual leadership conference students will be able to attend and other leadership training. We will also be offering esports, and wellbeing seminars through student athletics and recreation. A student can also make contact with a coach at this time, and when we are back F2F they can start working out with the team and possibly competing.
Host: Wow! Student Affairs sounds like a really fun and active department on campus! The Club Fair will definitely be a great way for students to begin getting involved. For an extrovert like me, this sounds so energizing. But there are a range of personalities represented in our student affairs involvement. Different personality types can complement one another. How can students who are less outgoing build a network of friends at AUS?
Lisa: Yes, you are right. Like personalities attract but also different personality types complement each other as well. It may be boring to always pick someone like us.
I would suggest we broadened our interests. For example, as you are finding your sense of belonging at AUS when you are at the student organization club fair, visit interest groups that may be of little interest but stay curious and check it out. Because we are all virtual you can try out things easier.
Believe me, you would be surprised at how many of our peer leaders are introverts and they have put themselves out there as they wanted to grow and make a difference in the life of first-year students. It may be harder for those who are not as outgoing to make friends but you have to make it a goal. Like I said no matter what we need relationships in our life. We may not need as many as someone who is outgoing which is fine. Those who may be more introverted may be choosier and have just a few friends which are fine. Remember friend groups may change so try to be a little bit more friendly and interact with people more.
Host: It is encouraging to hear that students don't necessarily need to be outgoing in order to be a leader!
I want to touch on another point on the topic of differences- The AUS community is so diverse, with almost a 100 countries represented! How can students overcome differences in cultures and languages to build friendships?
Lisa: The diversity of the student body is truly what makes the AUS community special, but it could be daunting as well. I have two thoughts.
Be patient. You will interact with student groups who may speak to each other in Arabic and then when you enter to switch to English. This may be new to you, so be patient. Learn a few words. I had to do this myself. Also, be patient with different accents even if someone is speaking English with a different accent that we are not used to may make it harder to understand. Ask for clarification and be patient. You will pick it up!
Be curious. Attend different cultural events and at club fair sign up to learn more about one of our cultural groups. Maybe it is a place you have always wanted to visit. Joining one of the cultural groups does not mean you have to be fully involved. In class, make it a point to meet at least one person from a different culture than yours each semester. If you will be moving into campus housing in the spring, this may be easier, bu t either way, you need to have the right attitude.
Host: I love that idea! MAkin it a point to meet at least one person from a different culture each semester. Such a small step with a meaningful impact. Sadly, not all friendships contribute to a healthy community. How can students identify a healthy friendship?
Lisa: : Oh, yes, so true. As we find our sense of belonging and our community, we will find that some of our relationships are not healthy, and we need to move on. That is all part of the process! Finding healthy connections and community, as noted in Rahda Agrwha’s book, takes time. I do not mean this to be so easy as it takes time to figure out a relationship that may not be healthy. A healthy relationship should be reciprocal, forgiving, and respectful.
Reciprocal: Both parties should be investing in the relationship. It does not have to be 50/50. If you are reaching out more than the other party and not getting anything in return, this may be a sign to move on. But this is not a check the box exercise such as I did this and this person did not do the same. We should be ourselves and give as we do. Yet, if over time, the relationship seems one-sided, I would stop trying. Also, relationships may be temporary. For example, you may have a relationship that only lasts the duration of your class.
Forgiving: We are human. One person may do something that upsets us, or we may upset someone else. Both parties should be able to work it out and forgive. If this does not happen then, the relationship may not be healthy.
Respect. If you find through your relationship with another that you are doing things that are against your values and the other person does not respect you, this may be a sign your relationship is not good. You may find being in this relationship or with this group of people is causing you angst. Connections will help others, should build us up, not tear us down. Trust your intuition and senses! Consider ending a relationship(s) that may be toxic.
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Host: Before we close the show, I’d like to end with a few questions that we ask all of our guests. First, What is your favorite part of the AUS campus?
Lisa: The fountains as you come into campus with the main building in the background. I love to walk up the stairs and see faculty, staff, students, and guests walking in the plaza or events that happen outside on the plaza.
Host: Do you have an embarrassing moment while working at AUS?
Lisa: Wow, this is hard because I do stupid things often and brush it off quickly so, it does not stay in my memory bank for long. Maybe the most embarrassing thing this semester is possibly putting on a skirt or something that I wore in the states that show my knees too much. I want to respect the culture but I also do not have that large of a wardrobe yet.
Lisa: Lastly, what is one piece of advice you’d like to share with our first-years listening, especially as they enter into their first semester in a remote setting?
Guest: Take care of yourself, eat right, sleep, and exercise. Set a goal to meet a new person each week.
Host: Lisa, it was such a joy to hear you speak on such a personal topic. Thank you so much for taking the time to join us on the show today!
Lisa: (casual response)
Closing:
Host: I hope you enjoyed hearing from Dr. Lisa today.
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Thanks so much for listening to the show. See you next time, on FYE Chats.